Tik Tok
by I. M. Carter
Summary: AU When someone tells Ino that her theme song should be Tik Tok, she takes it a bit too literally... and wreaks havoc across poor Konohakagure. Rated for Ino's dirty mouth.


**Summary: AU When someone tells Ino that her theme song should be Tik Tok, Ino takes it a bit too literally… and wreaks havoc all across poor Konohakagure.**

_**So I've been dead for centuries. But I've been secretly (Don't tell anyone!) working on some of my stories. Like I've been writing the sequel to Cherry Blossoms etc, trying to update Night At The Aquarium, and some others. So don't believe that I'm just blowing you guys all off.**_

_**I just need a break from those stories that require a long attention span…-_-"**_

_**Sorry for the longish author's note… I just wanted to clear this all up.**_

_**Disclaimer: Tik Tok by Ke$ha isn't owned by me, and neither are the characters from Naruto! :D (I don't own Harry Potter either, unfortunately… T-T)**_

_**~XxXxXOoOoOXxXxX~**_

"Hey Ino! You're such a crazy bitch, your theme song should totally be Tik Tok!"

Ino paused, considering the idea.

"You, my stupid little manwhore, are the smartest manwhore I've ever met," she told the boy. The boy grinned seductively.

"Do I get a reward?"

"Don't push your luck, bitch."

_**~XxXxXOoOoOXxXxX~**_

Ino stared at herself in the mirror. Then she glanced at the picture of Ke$ha in her hand. She grabbed the scissors on the bathroom counter and blinked at her reflection.

Her facial expression turned determined, and with all her willpower, she cut off her long ponytail.

As she began to cut her remaining hair into poufy layers like in Ke$ha's picture, her phone rang. Ino paused to pick it up.

"HEY PIG!" the caller roared.

Ino's lips widened into a grin.

"HI BILLBOARD BROW!"

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING TOMORROW?"

"I'M GETTING DRUNK. THE USUAL."

Sakura's voice disappeared for a moment.

"Holy shit, dude."

"Maybe you can bring some beer with you tomorrow! I'll be in the Hyuuga's bathtub."

"HOLY SHIT, YOU MEAN THE HUGE ONE THAT REMINDS ME VERY MUCH OF THE PREFECT'S BATHROOM IN HARRY FUCKING POTTER?" Sakura screamed.

"YES! IMMA FALL ASLEEP IN IT TAMARRA!"

"May I sleep with you?"

"HELLZ NO, BITCH, GET YOUR OWN FUCKING BATHTUB."

"I hate you."

"BYE FOREHEAD! DON'T FORGET THE BEER!"

Ino hung up and began humming as she started to apply her newly-bought glittery eye shadow.

"Almost done," she sang.

Then she put a juicy coat of blue lip-gloss on her full lips.

"Perfect," she whispered with a smile.

_**~XxXxXOoOoOXxXxX~**_

Ino's blue eyes blinked open as she woke up.

"Ugh," she groaned, "I feel like P. Diddy…"

She peeked out of the bathtub and crept toward the mirror.

Ino grabbed two empty beer glasses from the counter and kissed them lovingly.

Then she took a toothbrush at random and slathered Jack Daniels whiskey all over the poor unsuspecting toothbrush.

Then Ino did what every normal person does: she brushed her teeth with a bottle of jack.

_**~XxXxXOoOoOXxXxX~**_

Toothbrush POV

_Ah, what a beautiful morning! _thought the happy little toothbrush.

_Good morning, big toothbrush! _Little toothbrush greeted to the larger toothbrush beside him.

_Oh, good morning little toothbrush. _Big toothbrush replied happily.

_Gee, I wish someone would come and use me, I haven't been used in such a long time! Why are you always used, big toothbrush?_ Said Little toothbrush sadly.

_Because I'm big and strong!_ Responded Big toothbrush.

_When I grow up, I wanna be just like you- _Little toothbrush began. But a large hand grabbed Little toothbrush before he could continue.

_At last! _Thought Little toothbrush, _I get to be used, just like Big toothbrush!_

Little toothbrush smiled inwardly, waiting for the toothpaste. But none came. Instead, Little toothbrush was covered in smelly yellowish liquid.

_AHHHHHHH, _screamed Little toothbrush, _this isn't what I wanted at all! Noooooo!_

_**~XxXxXOoOoOXxXxX~**_

Ino could've sworn she heard something as she began to brush her teeth. It sounded very similar to a crying child, but she ignored it; sounds like that always ran around her head when she was getting drunk.

Ino threw the toothbrush onto the ground when she was finished and grabbed her two glasses again. Then she dashed out of the bathroom and down the stairs.

She ran into the kitchen, where the Hyuuga family was sitting down to a nice breakfast.

Neji's jaw dropped as he saw Ino descend the staircase. Then Hinata fainted.

A servant was just bringing in a large stack of pancakes when Ino was leaving.

Ino stopped, grabbed the servant by the shoulder, pulled them back, and then stole four pancakes.

"I'm not coming back 'cuz I'm leaving for the night!" Ino called as she slipped out the door.

Ino ran outside and down the long driveway. She saw a very nice blue bicycle parked on the sidewalk.

So she stole it.

"Woot woot!" she screamed, riding directly to Sakura Haruno's house.

Once there, Ino knocked down the door and grabbed Sakura, who was in bed with Itachi Uchiha **(A/N: yeah, no matter what, Sakura will always be with Itachi…xD).**

"Bitch, we are getting pedicures on our toes and trying on all our clothes. Then I want boys to blow up my phone. Then we shall drive around in Itachi's expensive convertible and play our favorite CDs, alright bitch?" Ino commanded, shaking Sakura by the shoulders. Ino glared at Itachi.

"If you don't want anyone to find out about your little rendezvous with Sakura, you will listen to me, you got that, you little manslut?"

"I don't have to listen to you," Itachi sniffed.

"Unless you don't want your man parts pierced and hooked to your lip, you will," Ino snarled.

Itachi shuddered, obviously imagining that horrid thought.

"What do you want me to do?" he asked, almost scared.

Imagine, Itachi flipping Uchiha, SCARED, of this mere drunk bitch.

Ha!

You're funny.

"I want you to call all your male friends, or at least the ones interested in women, which does not include Deidara, and tell them that for the next 24 hours, they are all Ino Yamanaka's bitches," Ino said with an evil grin.

"Deidara's not gay!" Itachi protested.

"I have several men who say otherwise," Ino retorted.

Itachi didn't have anything to say to that.

So he whipped out his phone and began calling madly.

While Itachi was distracted, Ino seized Sakura and practically launched the poor girl onto the back of her new stolen bike and raced downtown for some pedicures and to try on all their clothes.

_**~XxXxXOoOoOXxXxX~**_

"HOLY SHIT, FOREHEAD, I THINK MY PHONE IS GOING TO EXPLODE!" Ino screamed happily, pointing excitedly at her massively vibrating phone.

"Isn't that what you wanted?" Sakura asked confusedly.

"HELLZ YEAH, BITCH," Ino grinned.

Ino ripped off the clothes she was trying on, revealing her favorite skimpy outfit.

She was wearing cut off jean short shorts and a tight red top that zipped up in the front. Ino had purposely zipped it low to show off her boobies. Ino's feet to her thighs were protected by her thigh high combat boots.

She basically looked like a skankity slut slut.

"FOREHEAD! WE NEED TO GO TO A PARTY! GO FIND A PERSON AND TELL THEM TO HAVE ONE!"

"OKAY, PIG!" Sakura saluted Ino and dialed the best party-giver she knew: Kakashi Hatake.

"Hey Kakashi, Ino wants a party," Sakura said shortly.

"Bring her to Ichiraku's in five. I'll give her a party she won't soon forget."

Then Kakashi hung up.

"PIG, GET IN THE CAR," Sakura commanded. Ino belly flopped into the back seat of Itachi's convertible, which they had stolen.

Ino popped a CD into the CD player in the front seat and began blasting the music.

"What the..?" Sakura frowned, listening to what Ino had chosen.

"It's One Summer's Day by Joe Hisaishi," Ino replied, head-banging to the classical music.

Sakura had nothing to say to this.

Sakura pulled up to Ichiraku's in six minutes.

Ino pulled a bottle of vodka from her back pocket and began chugging.

"I'm trying to get a little bit tipsy," she slurred to Sakura.

"That's nice. Now get into the Ramen store. And party like there's no tomorrow," Sakura told Ino, shoving the blond into the busy party.

But Ino only heard "there's no tomorrow."

"NOOOOOO! BUT I NEED TO BE KE$HA LONGER! THERE MUST BE A TOMORROW SO I CAN BE MORE DRUNK!" Ino flailed her arms on the new dance floor, rippling a new dance move in the dense crowd.

Soon everyone was doing the newest and coolest dance: The Ino.

The Ino consists of jerking of the limbs and walking in an anything-but-straight line.

The music pumped throughout the club.

"Don't stop! Make it pop!" Ino screamed. Naruto popped a balloon somewhere for the mere pleasure of shits and giggles, taking Ino's screams a bit too literally.

"Yo, DJ," Ino called to the man at the turntables, who was easily recognized as Kiba, "blow my speakers up tonight!"

Kiba nodded and bobbed his head to the pulsing beat of the music. Ino turned from him and stared at the crowd before her, bathing it all its epicness.

Then a stupid guy accidentally bumped Ino.

"Oh, sorry," he muttered, getting back to the dance floor.

"OH HELLZ NO, MANWHORE," Ino roared, following the stupid boy. She began punching anyone in her way to get to him. Once she reached him and started to failishly punch the poor dude, Sakura jumped into the scene and tried to pull Ino off the kid, who we have now recognized as Shino.

"Ahhhhhh!" Shino yelled, flailing his arms uselessly in a fail attempt to stop Ino.

"Ino! Stop!" Sakura tried screaming, but her voice was lost in the music.

"IMMA FIGHT TILL WE SEE THE SUNLIGHT, BITCHES!" Ino announced suddenly, throwing another weak punch.

"Everybody, move out of the way!" a new voice commanded.

Suddenly Naruto pushed his way through the crowd, a cup of coffee in his hand. Sakura grabbed the cup and threw it not at but ON Ino.

That's right, Ino Yamanaka was now covered in brown liquid that looked very much like runny poop.

"Are you sober now?" Sakura yelled to Ino.

Ino nodded happily.

Somehow throwing coffee instead of drinking it works so much better.

Thank you for technology!

Sakura dragged Ino outside where the pink haired girl quickly showered Ino with a hose she'd found.

Now Ino was sober, wet, and looking helpless.

Almost immediately, a line formed before Ino.

The line consisted entirely of guys.

"Ino! What's going on?" Sakura asked, panicking.

"Forehead, CHILL. I've got plenty of beer and not a care in the world. I don't have any money left but that's aight because I'm already here!" Ino sang.

Ino scanned the growing line of men.

"WHY ARE YOU HERE?" she asked them.

"We heard you had swagger!" they responded together.

"Well get out of here unless you look like Mac Jagger," Ino growled.

"Who's Mac Jagger?"

"SOME DUDE FROM AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE OBVIOUSLY," Ino snapped.

As the men left, some of them attempted to grope Ino's butt. She smacked each one who tried, knowing they were drunk.

"Uh oh," Ino suddenly whimpered. Then she turned toward the wall and barfed up what looked like lots of alcohol and four pancakes.

The man who ran Ichiraku's came running out.

"GET OUT! ALL OF YOU DRUNK KIDS, GET OUT!" he boomed, waving his spatula angrily.

"They shut us down," Ino told Sakura as they snuck back into the club.

_**~XxXxXOoOoOXxXxX~**_

Ino climbed onto the newly built stage and put the microphone to her mouth.

The music had been shut off, and everyone was quiet, waiting for what the obviously drunk again blond bitch had to say.

"You know," she slurred, "you guys really build me up… but then you break me down…oh Kami, my heart is pounding… hey, front row, do you got me if I fall off? Okay everybody, put your hands up, put them all the way up!"

Every pair of hands raised as high as they could reach.

"THE PARTY DOESN'T START UNTIL I WALK IN," Ino screamed into the microphone. Then she dropped it and jumped into the crowd the second after she cued Kiba to start the music. The crowd carried her all the way to the back, where no one really was.

Then they dropped the now passed out Ino onto the ground and resumed their partying.

That night, Sakura and Itachi lugged Ino home.

Sakura changed Ino into her pajamas and tucked her into the feather soft bed.

Ino snored loudly.

Sakura rolled her eyes and left, obviously eager to start loving the night away with Itachi.

Ino dreamed of caramel, mangoes, narwhals, and mainly of flowers.

_**~XxXxXOoOoOXxXxX~**_

Ino's eyelashes fluttered as the blond woke up at about 2AM.

Her head was pounding.

And she couldn't remember a thing!

Oh, what a terrible event has occurred!

Ino groaned, trying to remember the last thing she did.

A fuzzy memory floated in her mind:

"_Hey Ino! You're such a crazy bitch, your theme song should totally be Tik Tok!"_

_Ino paused, considering the idea._

"_You, my stupid little manwhore, are the smartest manwhore I've ever met," she told the boy. The boy grinned seductively._

"_Do I get a reward?"_

"_Don't push your luck, bitch."_

Ino's frown slowly evolved into a grin as she crept into her bathroom.

She blinked confusedly at her reflection for a moment, wondering where her ponytail went.

But she nonchalantly shrugged as she reached for her tube of blue lip gloss.

Then Ino Yamanaka snuck into the Hyuuga Compound and fell asleep in their bathtub, the very same one that reminded Sakura of the Prefect's bathroom from Harry Potter.

_**~XxXxXOoOoOXxXxX~**_

Ino's blue eyes blinked open as she woke up.

"Ugh," she groaned, "I feel like P. Diddy…"

It was just another normal morning for Ino Yamanaka.

_**~XxXxXOoOoOXxXxX~**_

_**Lawlz, I had lots and lots of fun writing this… xD**_

_**I mean, my stories aren't usually that funny… -_- I think? (Totally can't remember)**_

_**And I really love how some of my favorite fanfiction authors can totally make something really funny without sounding like they're trying too hard… I feel like I try too hard… :l**_

_**But whatever! Review cuz I noes you wants to! :D I shall love you forever? Please! xDDDD Well, that's all for now… I'm possibly considering making this a series, where a character chooses a theme song and basically the same thing that happened with Ino shall happen… but they most likely won't get drunk.**_

_**What do ya think? ^^**_

_**Well, thanks for reading and don't forget to REVIEW OR ELSE MY MANBITCHES WILL COME AFTER YOU. Teehee, just kidding. But seriously, review or I may die from lack of love T-T**_


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